The Scary Carrot Jungle

You know what? When it comes to FHE, you're darned if you do and you're darned if you don't. On Monday night, I thought it would be fun and festive to go to the corn maze at Thanksgiving Point for Family Night. We got there at around 6:30. It was a gorgeous evening, not too cold, not too hot--just the right amount of chilliness. Everything was going swell. I received $17 off our total ticket price with my season pass plus coupons, the kids were excited (well, at least Mila was--Ethan was a little skittish and insisted on being carried,) and Halloween was in the air. Ben's brother pointed out a sign that said "The MAZE will be haunted on Monday, Friday, and Saturdays." I made sure to ask the cashier girl about this, who assured me that it was only haunted after dark, and even then not until eight, so we had PLENTY of time. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: major red flag. But I was not going to let anything mess with my perfect plan.

We headed into the maze, laughing and dancing to the music that was playing, all the while following our cute little "tiny tots" clues. We got through the first phase pretty quickly and started in on the second. I noticed it was getting darker but it was only seven, so no big deal. We were almost to the end when we came to a clearing with a tetherball. (The maze had a Napoleon Dynamite theme--of course.) Because it was only 7:15, I told Ben and his bro they should go ahead and play. Ethan, at last feeling comfortable and safe, finally allowed me to put him down. The guys were having fun, the kids were giggling, and I was capturing this wonderful family moment with my digital camera. I was trying to get Ethan to pose for a pic when I heard a revving sound that seemed to be getting closer. "That's wierd, " I thought, "who the heck is allowed to ride a motorcycle in a corn maze?" No sooner did this thought cross my mind, then a clown brandishing a chain saw burst into the clearing and descended on my paralyzed children. All I remember about what happened next is lots of running and lots of me screaming, "BEN! BOONER! GRAB THE KIDS AND GET US OUT OF HERE NOW!!!" and "GET AWAY FROM US! WE HAVE LITTLE KIDS!" and "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT SWAMPMAN!!" After about thirty seconds of this we were in the clear and out the other end. I was a little bit embarassed about my gross lack of calmness in that situation, but there is a reason I don't frequent haunted houses--ever. I am so not cool with strangers jumping out at me in the dark. It's a good thing that I had my children there this time to use as an excuse to keep the bad things away. It's an even better thing that we were so close to the end and that the haunting didn't start back when we were in the middle because I think I would have just curled up into a fetal position and bawled. I had a hard enough time walking twenty feet out of there by myself without asking my brother-in-law to carry me, too. But since he was already carrying my daughter I figured that might be difficult, even if he is 6'4".

After the corn maze incident, we tried to erase the bad memories by taking part in the other, less life-threatening activities that were there, such as the cow train and the animatronic chicken show. But despite our efforts, all Mila could talk about was the scary clown guy. I tried to tell her that it was just a guy in a Halloween costume playing a joke, but she just kept saying, "I just can't think about it that way, even if I try." In other words, scarred for life. Ethan seemed alright until Ben tried to put him to bed and he just kept saying, "There was a green man in that scary carrot jungle..."

I wonder if I will be able to get them to go back for the "Fright Lights" show next Monday night...