Tuesday, December 18, 2007

(There's bound to be lots of) The Writing on the Wall


(Red eyes were left in photo for dramatic effect)

Give me a T! Give me an E! Give me an A! Give me an M! What does that spell?

One terrified mom.

The girls have known for a little while now that lifting up a toilet seat is hard work and therefore not really worth their time. However, as they discovered this morning, lifting up a toilet seat with four hands is not really hard at all and is, in fact, instantly gratifying. The prospect of them using teamwork horrifies me to no end. You don't understand. My number is up. I'm doomed. Let me explain.

My first two children have never really gotten into stuff. "Whoa, wait a minute," you're saying, "No destroyed make-up, no flour all over the floor, no lotion smeared all over the house?" I am totally serious. For whatever reason, they have pretty much ignored all of the tempting household items surrounding them. I remember once when Mila was not even two, we had a big ol' space heater right in the middle of her room. My sister-in-law, Melanie, was shocked when she saw it and asked, "You don't have to put that away?" all the while eying her own one-year old. But Mila had never even given the thing so much as a second look, let alone touched it.

I was pretty sure that Ethan would change things. I mean, he's a boy, right? But I never even put locks on the cupboards when he was toddling around. No interest whatsoever. Don't get me wrong. There have been trade-offs. We've had relatives tell my kids they don't need to shout when they're standing right in front of them. Repeatedly. They both have quite the flair for the dramatic. But I've never had to clean electric blue lip-gloss out of the carpet or anything. So I've listened to my relatives' stories about Sharpies on leather couches and Desitin all over the mirror with mixed feelings of horror and relief.

I'm sure that you hate me now, but let me get to the point. I am bound to have a troublemaker, sooner or later. The odds just don't add up. But now I'm wishing it had been Ethan, because I just know that it's my turn, and it just so happens that I have TWO. Is that fair? Probably. But that doesn't mean that I can't lie in bed and envision all sorts of schemes that my little team might think up with their two little blond heads. Like climbing out of cribs. Taking off dirty diapers. Opening doors, climbing counters, dumping cold cereal, tearing apart books, eating chalk, cutting hair, breaking priceless family heirlooms, punching holes in walls, beating up smaller, defenseless children, have I forgotten anything? So by all means, feel a little sorry for me. In an earlier post, I said that the best is yet to come. But that was just crazy talk. It's totally the worst. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

I AM going to buy leashes. I saw them at Wal-Mart. They're have cute little furry dogs on them or something.

OK, so maybe I'm over-reacting. Maybe they will be complete angels. But when I call you in tears in a few months, I want to be the one who can say, "I told you so!"

11 comments:

Ron, Annette & Girls said...

I feel for you! It's a good thing you're so energetic and have such a great sense of humor! I think I prefer playing in the toilet to any of the other horrors you mentioned. I can't wait for all the future posts!!

Blake and Meg said...

Oh dear! I'm frozen in horror. Molly just started crawling and I'm sure the disasters are just around the corner!

Jenni said...

Oh heavens...the twins and Austin can all hang out in the bathroom cause yesterday alone I pulled his hand out of the toilet three times. WHat is it about that thing that's so entertaining? You may have finally met your match in the girlies...hold your breath!

Bek said...

I just have a few words of advice.. talke to Lisa about Owen, me about Cubby and Azucar about Guille.... don't underestimate the power of a little person. ;-)

And, buy the leash. I couldn't go into public w/out ours..really. N just figured out the toilet, game over. She is also my only curious child that wants to open/empty everything....

Kristen said...

The you need to get the greatest invention: door knob covers and gates. They have kept Lily out of so much trouble. And now she is trained to close doors behind her so Gunnar can't get into rooms.

Joe said...

I feel your pain, Hailey. Our twins are into EVERYTHING now.My biggest fear, however, is not what they may do now, but what they'll be like at the age of 3. Our other two were horrendous 3 year olds, so the thought of our twins at 3 just causes me to curl up into a ball and whimper.

On another note, I can't wait to get all of these kids together this next week. They're going to have a ball!

Elly said...

I hope, for the sake of your sanity, that your imagination is more creative than the girls'. Good luck! (And I would agree that those doorknob covers are life-savers, I just discovered them myself.)

Shawn said...

I guess I am at a loss for words, as I can't recommend anything for your kids, as all my children never got into anything----you included! I never childproofed our house----and never had any problems. Well, maybe Brinna ate dirt once in a while, but that didn't hurt her...

I guess you were all the dramatic type also, as you were all into dressing up, making up plays and songs and didn't have time to mess with grown-up stuff! Even as crawlers, you never got into anything. Lucky me, cause I wouldn't have been able to deal with it!!

Aydan said...

Was Lany playing with dirt???????????
HuH?

Hailey said...

That's her birthday cake, silly, and you know it! You jokester!

Brittany said...

Yeah... I used the monkey leash on Alexander quite a bit. I don't think it's as cruel as people make it out to be.