Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Are you for real?

Monday morning, on the way to the park for a picnic with friends, I stopped at my local market to grab some sandwiches because Lisa told me that the sandwiches are awesome (so far, I agree!) I locked my kids in the car because running inside anywhere with twins is UTTERLY impossible (please don't call the Crestwood Police--does that story make anyone else super mad?) and ran in. When I was in line to get my stuff, a nice-looking man behind me who was also buying a sandwich, asked me if I liked the sandwich I bought. I told him that I didn't know yet as I had never tried it. (I promise this gets more interesting.)

As I was rushing out to my car, the man behind me in the store called out behind me, "Excuse me!" I stopped and turned and he asked politely, "How old are you?"

Now, if you know me, you know that I avoid confrontation at all costs and I'm horribly awkward when put on the spot (and I do improv how?) so a polite stranger could pretty much get me to tell my life story if they were persistent enough. However, I was anxious to get to my kids so I kept walking quickly as he approached me.

"Uh, 30."

"Oh, I just ask because I'm always curious how people stay in shape around here, because it's hard."

"Um, I don't...do...much..." ( My need to get to my car far outweighed my desire to tell him my exercise regimen.)

"Are you married?"

"Yes."

"So am I. It seems like people around here need to get that out of the way..." (I'm thinking, a) of all, awkward, and b) what is his deal with 'around here'--where the h is he from?)

Then he asks, "So what are you going to do with those sandwiches?" (Is he kidding?)

"I'm taking my kids to the park for a picnic..." (they're in the car that I'm opening the door to, Einstein!)

Then he said something I did NOT expect:

"Well, I just think it would be really fun to have lunch with you and your kids."

What the? Who SAYS that? What is he thinking? Has this EVER worked in the past, because I can't imagine any place in the universe where some married woman with three kids in a minivan would actually reply to a married man she's never met, "Oh my gosh, that would be SO fun! We'll be BFFs, I just know it!"

What I said (because I'm still so dang nice) was, "Well, gotta go--bye," as I hopped in my car and turned it on quickly. I sat there for a minute, experiencing the same uncomfortable feeling I probably last felt when my family's home teacher asked me out to dinner when I was thirteen, and watched as Creepy McShady crossed the street and WALKED to wherever he was going, meaning he works somewhere in the neighborhood. Yeah.

When I recounted this story to Ben and some of my friends, their first question was, "What did he look like?" (Ben asked because he wanted to know what description to give the police if I turned up missing--Rachel, you will appreciate that...) But I think that's what was the strangest thing about it. This guy was well-dressed, probably close to 40, clean-cut and not at all ugly. So he's just super-duper creepy and crazy. And he works in my neighborhood. And he buys sandwiches at my market.

And I will never go there between 11 and 1 again.

31 comments:

Blake and Meg said...

OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I am totally freaked out now! I lie when I get nervous with strangers. I make up stories with impressive details like, "Well, I gotta go take my husband his sandwich down at the station where he works... he's a cop."

I'm glad you're safe. see you at reunion?? Hope so!

Annette said...

EEEWWWWW!

bionictrout said...

It may have been perfectly innocent. Maybe he just wasn't satisfied with his marriage and was looking to have a harmless affair. Why do you guys always have to jump to the worst conclusions???

Jennifer Latimer said...

Wait...between eleven and one right?? Market by your house.....
just preparing for any dry spells in my life.

Kristen said...

Looks like he just watched the movie I watched, (I have to preface- on Clearplay), "Little Children". That is so bizarre. Just curious, what 'market' are you talking about that has sandwiches? Is it new?

Hailey said...

No, you're probably right, Ben. I don't know what I was thinking--I should have given the guy a break!

Kristen, I didn't reveal the name of the market or else the creepy blog versions of this guy might figure out where I live...(But I will tell you when I see you in a few weeks!)

Christa M. said...

AHHHH! You have a new assignment - practice being REALLY rude to creepy guys who approach you. Have the lines ready so you can't get flustered. And if you ever see that guy again, run, RUN!

BTW, I hadn't heard about the Crestview police thing and I'm SO mad right now!

Steven Ting said...

If you want, I can provide you with some gun training so you can get your concealed weapons permit. Then you can pack a cute little gun in your purse for those moments that warrant it. I don't like creepy people.

King Family said...

are you serious? in provo? well actually now that i think of provo would probably be the place. maybe he was one of the three nephites.

King Family said...

place the word "it" between of and provo....sorry.

Shawn said...

Scary! But then you know all about all my creepy stalker stories---so I guess you are just carrying on the tradition---but I think that I can "one up" you on creepy stalker types...

As for Jenny's comment---it made me LOL! Funny. You guys are the cutest!

By the way, Hailey, do you want me to bring my pepper spray the next time I come out? It is REALLY old and probably won't work, but you can look fierce while you are brandishing it.

Lisa said...

That creeps me out. And not in a little way.

And, I'm a little offended, too, because I go and buy sandwiches there all the time and I've never been propositioned! Honestly! Can't a girl get a break?!

Don't worry, I'll buy your sandwiches for you. Yes, they ARE worth the trouble. (but a little part of me wants you to come so we can do a little "sting operation," what do you think--are you in!?)

erin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
erin said...

So creepy! I want to know where you get awesome sandwiches too...

Tori said...

This is so WEIRD! I can't believe it. So sorry it had to happen to you!

Jenni said...

ok, PSYCHO!!!!!! Sounds like a crazy to me!

Kelly said...

I'm fascinated. I think Ben is right. But how far did Creepyfella think he was gonna get at a picnic with your kids? It just seems terribly illogical.

Maybe he was just bowled over by you taste in sandwiches, and though he didn't normally cheat on his wife in supermarkets, he just couldn't help himself that one time.

Maybe he was on drugs.

I'm sorry I didn't make it to your play the other night, I really wanted to come! Next year I'll bring Melanie and with her powers of persuasion we can make the group do whatever we want.

Matt said...

To echo the thoughts and feeling of every other comment -- yikes! That is so extremely disturbing.

Amelia Merritt said...

Agree with Christa M. I am so mad and I expect them to win a huge settlement.

Did this guy have dark curly hair and dimples and look slightly like my daughter? Just wondering...

The UnMighty said...

What a psycho! I'm glad you got out of there unscathed.

The UnMighty said...

By the way, Is Ben going to be out of town anytime soon because I think it would be fun to hang out with just you and your kids. I could take you all to a movie or camping or whatever. And just so you know, my wife is cool with it.

Hailey said...

I'm sorry, Mr. Quinn, but Matt Mattson asked first. I'm afraid we're all booked up...

Tom Quinn. said...

I'd like to say a big fat "Thanks a lot" to the creepy guy who ruined it for those of us who sincerely enjoy a picnic and slumber party with our female friends and their kids.

The McKay's said...

That is soooo weeeeirrd! :)

Janene Wilson said...

Thanks for the entertainment. I think I need to start reading your blog more often! I do wish you could have gotten a picture to post, though.:) Just kidding, I'm glad your safe.

Janene Wilson said...

Oops! I mean, you're safe.

Tanya said...

Yes, I'm sure he "worked in the area."

Brillig said...

Oh. Mygosh. That's INSANE!!!! (Is it wrong that I'm laughing my head off as I picture the whole thing, though?) That's so messed up!!!

Travis and Rachel said...

Hey baby! You are one hot mamma!!!!

Michelle Walker said...

Hailey, I just wanted to wish you a belated Happy Birthday! I know your birthday was the 18th, and I have a card and everything, I just never called to get your address! Anyway, I hope you're doing great!!! Love, Michelle

charrette said...

What a slimy, hair-raising story.
(Yet, at the same time, pathetically hilarious.) Creepiest part of all?
I bet you fifty bucks I know who he IS. AND where he works.

(But that's not where I spend my lunch hour!) :)

btw, Brillig sent me over here.
I like your blog!