Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Ugly is a Funny Word

Last night, on the way from Penn Station to the subway platform at 34th St., a less-than-fully-sane looking woman stepped into our path:

Woman: Won't you wish me a Happy Valentine's Day?

Ben: No, thank you.

Woman: You are very ugly, and you don't get no candy!

Ben: (after we got on the train) That was hurtful.

On the ride home, we replayed the scenario with different outcomes. What if Ben had turned around at that point and said, "Well, in that case, Happy Valentine's Day! Are you telling me you actually have candy to give me?" I guess we will never know.

The moral of the story is, when traveling by subway, bring your thick skin and a can of crazy repellent.

(I must add, this reminds me of an experience that is forever etched in my memory. I was about 6 and my sister was 3 and we were in the bank, waiting for my mom. We were swinging on the bars near the front door, and a plus-sized African-American woman walked by. Brinna stage whispered to me, "Hailey! That is the fattest woman I ever saw!" Before I could even blink, the woman turned around, stuck her finger in my terrified sister's face and yelled, "Oh yeah? Well, you the UGLIEST girl I EVER saw!" And then she walked away. To this day, any time I do my impression of that woman, it makes me happy to no end.)

11 comments:

Mindy Gledhill said...

Oh! Your poor sister! You gotta love kids' honesty. On a side note, the server at Cafe Rio mistook me for a "sir" yesterday. Ugh.

Aunt Heather said...

I could totally hear that woman's voice in my head from when you were little. On a side note if I had been Ben I would have just said Happy Valentine's to the lady. Everyone was saying it on FB...lol If she had offered candy I would have declined..lol

Eric D. Snider said...

In the crazy subway woman's defense, Ben IS pretty ugly.

bionictrout said...

In my defense, she was asking for money. The Valentine request was a ruse.

Hailey said...

Ben, that's not a good defense because now people will want to know why you didn't give her money. However, in Ben's defense, if we gave money to every person who asked for it in NY, we'd have $-1,000,000 instead of $50.

Laurel and David Lowe said...

Hailey, I got all warm and smiley after reading that story. I could hear your voice and everything. Then I thought about the story of La-ah. And I missed you.

Mom n Pop Wilson said...

What an interesting life you lead!

Michelle Catherine Walker said...

That's crazy!!

Shawn said...

Heh, heh.....yeah----I was there! It was true---well, the Brinna story, not the New York one----I would NEVER call Ben unattractive...cause he's not!

But Brinna ran to me and started crying----but it taught her a lesson about saying things out loud----or at least say it in gibberish!

Brinna said...

Oh, puh-lease! I was, like, 5 years old!

Ha ha, I actually just told that story to my band the other day as my most embarrassing childhood moment...

Lesley said...

I'm so far behind, I'm just reading this post :)

Thanks for writing it. I really needed a good belly-laugh.