Friday, October 22, 2010

A New York Minute

Setting: Hailey, Lucy, and Lane are checking out at the new Trader Joe's at 72nd and Broadway. Their cashier, a pleasant lady who has just offered the twins stickers, notices Lucy's cough.

Cashier: What do you give your children when they cough like that?

Me: Usually nothing. My kids always get coughs that last for like three weeks, but they never get fevers or anything.

Cashier: (her eyebrows go up so high I'm afraid they'll stick that way) I guess I'm a different kind of parent. I don't like to see my children suffer.

Me: (shoot a WTH look over to Jenny, who is checking out at the next register, but has not heard anything.)

Cashier: You should give her some NyQuil so she can sleep. That's what I do.

Me: . . .

And scene.

(No children were harmed in the making of this episode. You guys, I know it's amazing, but Lucy survived the night, despite all that suffering I inflicted on her.)


Carina said...

I don't understand why you don't panic like a good parent, H. I mean, honestly, they are PRECIOUS BEINGS WHO MUST NEVER SUFFER.

Does the cashier know you have more? Maybe she'd relax (panic and judge) if she knew you had two spares.

Lisa said...

Modern medical knowledge confirms that you cannot "treat" a child's cough and cough medicine doesn't really do anything, anyway. But of course you know that what, having raised your 4 children. You show a lot of restraint there in New York.

You should carry around cards with your prewritten responses on them. Things like "Mind Your Own Business." "It's not a crime to have 4 kids." "I'm doing just fine, thank you." "Your comment reflects your insecurity, not mine." and "I didn't ask." and my favorite "Unlike you, I don't want to publicly embarrass you, but that comment was RUDE AND MEAN."

You're welcome.

King Family said...

c'mon hailey drugs are good for kids!

Hailey said...

Everyone needs a Lisa in their pocket.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful scene...reenacted with humor and pathos

Janene Wilson said...

Glad the children survived the night! So, do you have a plan for your next visit to Trader Joes? I'm looking forward to the next episode.:)

Handsfullmom said...

A friend directed me to these videos. This one reminded me of your story:

Jenni said...

This just makes me laugh so hard...and roll my eyes at the same time. I love unsolicited advice...especially when it's as insane as what you got! =)

Deb said...

I have a little crush on Lisa right now. Wow. I want those cards. And I don't even HAVE KIDS.

:) I love when people give unwanted advice (eye roll). Hang tough. And get you some of those Lisa cards.

MamaQ said...

And scene? And SCENE? What i would LOVE is if you actually put together a little screenplay of scenes from your life in nyc - including this little number - and create a little film for all of us to enjoy. (can i please play the cashier?) and can you just insert lisa in as, like, a little devil on your shoulder with flashcards?

the other day at church a woman approached my friend, clara, and asked when is your baby due because you are the biggest pregnant lady i have ever seen? that same day a different lady approached a different friend and said, i heard you were pregnant, but i had guessed that already because of all the changes going on up here (sweeps hands across my friends breasts).

where were these people raised? (oops, probably nyc...)