Wednesday, December 05, 2012


So, last month, for book club, we read Mindy Kaling's book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) I really enjoyed the book, and Mindy's writing style, and it really made me want to renew my commitment to write something, anything, for an hour every day. It also made me want to write funny TV shows with my friends, but that's not happening any time soon, so writing by myself for an hour a day it is!

For book club, we were given an assignment to come up with a "Best Friends Rights and Responsibilities" list, like Mindy has in the book. I went a little overboard and wrote quite a few. I only shared three with the club because everyone else only had one and I didn't want to be that crazy over-achiever who was craving all the attention (too late.) I tried to mimic her overall format and tone. I had a lot of fun with it, and I think you should write your own, too.

Hailey's List of Best Friends' Rights and Responsibilities

You will always crave a cheeseburger at the right time, which is every time.

If I have too many striped shirts in my wardrobe, you will let me know in a sarcastic yet serious tone.

If I start getting sucked into rom-com movies or literature, you will remind me that sci-fi is my thing.

There will always be pistachio ice cream in your freezer.

If we show up to an event wearing the same dress/shirt/coat from Target, we will totally own it.

If I daydream about my future career as a dubstepping sensation, you'll promise to be in the front row even if that makes you sound like you're buying into my crazy delusion.

If I complain about feeling overwhelmed, you'll remind me that I said the same thing a year ago, and you told me then to get a TV in my bedroom.

Even though you're super organized and I'm kind of a hoarder-in-training/major slob, you'll help me go through my stuff when I move without judgment. Well, maybe just a little. You are human, after all.

No matter how famous you or your family become, I will always remind you that you will always be kind of a geek and your kids really don't care. You're welcome. Just for the record, I do care. A lot.

If it's January, and I don't hear from you for a month, I will remember that you're hibernating.

I will always give you the benefit of the doubt.

If someone is rude to you, I'll tell you that they were probably having a bad day, and when that doesn't work, I'll remind you how much funnier, prettier and smarter you are than them.

If I over-analyze a performance I just gave, you'll listen patiently, then still tell me I killed it.

I'll go to Time Warner and wait in line behind thirty people to pick up your modem while I write a list about my best friends' rights and responsibilities.

If any of our kids end up marrying each other, we'll sit back and celebrate the victory of our master plan, then await the arrival of the most inconceivably amazing offspring known to mankind.

When you run a half marathon, I will be there at the finish line...with a chocolate shake.

If you turn into a zombie, I will decapitate you with a katana sword, and vice versa.


Unknown said...

this is the greatest thing I have ever read. Lovely.

Lisa said...

Did you read my journal, and steal my list? Rude. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that these were your own ideas. (plus, I count pistachio gelato as acceptable now, in addition to ice cream)

I think I need to print this out and read it everyday.


The McKay's said...

I have this book and still haven't started it. Now I want to read it! And I like your list. I wish we lived in the same city because I know we would hang out and be fashionable nerds together :)

kacy faulconer said...

I love this! Blog more. I'll shoot you in the head if it comes down to it, don't worry.

The UnMighty said...

My bff will let me bite them and change them to a zombie so we can stalk the living together.
But not everybody knows the meaning of true friendship.