This is why I have not been blogging...

There is a Thrillionaires show tonight! I'm sure that I am posting this way too late for people to hear about it, but oh well... Come if you can! 8 pm at the Covey Center for the Arts in Provo! We will be featuring KOSY radio host/actress Laura Bedore.


May has been a heck of a month. I have been rehearsing every night for "Little Women: The Broadway Musical" (although this version is not on Broadway--it's in Orem.) I am playing Jo and whoever wrote this musical decided that Jo would have loved singing fourteen songs and loved changing costumes fourteen times, because that is pretty much what I am doing the whole time. The show runs from May 30 to July 26, however I am only in it on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday nights, except for the week of June 26-July 3, when I will be in Europe (yeah, I know! Another post...) I hope you will come and see it--it truly is a lovely show with beautiful music and heartfelt performances. So much talent! For more info, go to www.haletheater.com

Are you for real?

Monday morning, on the way to the park for a picnic with friends, I stopped at my local market to grab some sandwiches because Lisa told me that the sandwiches are awesome (so far, I agree!) I locked my kids in the car because running inside anywhere with twins is UTTERLY impossible (please don't call the Crestwood Police--does that story make anyone else super mad?) and ran in. When I was in line to get my stuff, a nice-looking man behind me who was also buying a sandwich, asked me if I liked the sandwich I bought. I told him that I didn't know yet as I had never tried it. (I promise this gets more interesting.)

As I was rushing out to my car, the man behind me in the store called out behind me, "Excuse me!" I stopped and turned and he asked politely, "How old are you?"

Now, if you know me, you know that I avoid confrontation at all costs and I'm horribly awkward when put on the spot (and I do improv how?) so a polite stranger could pretty much get me to tell my life story if they were persistent enough. However, I was anxious to get to my kids so I kept walking quickly as he approached me.

"Uh, 30."

"Oh, I just ask because I'm always curious how people stay in shape around here, because it's hard."

"Um, I don't...do...much..." ( My need to get to my car far outweighed my desire to tell him my exercise regimen.)

"Are you married?"

"Yes."

"So am I. It seems like people around here need to get that out of the way..." (I'm thinking, a) of all, awkward, and b) what is his deal with 'around here'--where the h is he from?)

Then he asks, "So what are you going to do with those sandwiches?" (Is he kidding?)

"I'm taking my kids to the park for a picnic..." (they're in the car that I'm opening the door to, Einstein!)

Then he said something I did NOT expect:

"Well, I just think it would be really fun to have lunch with you and your kids."

What the? Who SAYS that? What is he thinking? Has this EVER worked in the past, because I can't imagine any place in the universe where some married woman with three kids in a minivan would actually reply to a married man she's never met, "Oh my gosh, that would be SO fun! We'll be BFFs, I just know it!"

What I said (because I'm still so dang nice) was, "Well, gotta go--bye," as I hopped in my car and turned it on quickly. I sat there for a minute, experiencing the same uncomfortable feeling I probably last felt when my family's home teacher asked me out to dinner when I was thirteen, and watched as Creepy McShady crossed the street and WALKED to wherever he was going, meaning he works somewhere in the neighborhood. Yeah.

When I recounted this story to Ben and some of my friends, their first question was, "What did he look like?" (Ben asked because he wanted to know what description to give the police if I turned up missing--Rachel, you will appreciate that...) But I think that's what was the strangest thing about it. This guy was well-dressed, probably close to 40, clean-cut and not at all ugly. So he's just super-duper creepy and crazy. And he works in my neighborhood. And he buys sandwiches at my market.

And I will never go there between 11 and 1 again.

Rabbit Hole

So, I'm in a play. And it is, in fact, called Rabbit Hole. It's about a couple dealing with their grief over the death of their four year old son. I know. It's so not a comedy. However, it IS a Pulitzer Prize winning play and it is, needless to say, pretty intense. Having said all that, you should come on out for an uplifting night of theater! But seriously, I don't think it's all that depressing and I think it's an incredibly realistic depiction of the different ways that people deal with loss. Although it's been kicking my bootay, I always love a challenge and I get to share the stage with my good friends Chris and Jenny. Another reason I like this play? The characters are eating various baked goods in EVERY scene (which is totally how I would grieve, let's be honest.) But the Broadway actors must have gained 40 lbs. during the run.

Anyway, you should come see it, if you dare. We perform May 1, 2 and 3 in the UVSC BlackBox Theater at 7:30 pm. The best part? It's FREE! (My director, Alex Ungerman, said we weren't supposed to say that because you might think free things mean crappy things, but trust me on this one. It's worth it just to see Chris Clark act-a rare treat!)

P.S. I love this song right now and I think it fits the theme of the play, don't you? (If you think that I pick specific songs to match my blog posts, then you are absolutely right and you win a prize.)

Revisiting Dante's Seventh Circle of You Know What

Yes, I am a goodie-two-shoes, I admit it! I always play by the rules and I always have. It frustrates me to no end when others don't. And yes, I am one of those people who yells at people in my car. It's a weakness-- I'm working on it. But those two characteristics combined? Bad news. I should not be allowed to take kids to school. Remember this?

Well, now the school's different, but it's the same old rules. And there are the same old rule-breakers. Just let it be said: if I have been waiting patiently for ten minutes in the correct (and only) line to drop my kid off, don't you DARE cruise in at 50 mph and cut right in front of me and everyone else and just let your kid off like it's nobody's business. When you see us all waiting there, I'm not real sure why it suddenly occurs to you that you have some magical golden ticket that justifies you swerving to the front of the line ahead of 20 other cars! Please don't look so surprised when I'm screaming at you from my car--I have good reason! I mean, it's not like I planned ahead and spent fifteen extra minutes loading up five children in a van so we could be on time. Oh, wait a minute. Yes I did! But maybe your kid will be late! Oh no! In that case, GET UP EARLIER IN THE MORNING, LADY!

And to you Dad guy, pulling all sorts of crazy stuff, I will let it go this time, but only because you are a man and you are absolutely clueless. Oy-vay.

You people who live close enough to let your kids walk or far enough away so that they take the bus--you have NO idea how lucky you are!

I'm going to go put myself in a time-out now...

A Day in the Life of LuLa

Hi--Lucy and Lane here! We've had some people ask us what it's like to live the fabulous life of a twin, so we thought we'd describe our typical day for you. First, we get up around 6:30 or so. Mom likes to sleep in, so we talk and giggle for about an hour until she comes and gets us. Ethan often comes in and plays with us, and by plays with us, we mean that he tosses all sorts of random things in our cribs and then makes weird, loud noises to make us laugh. Sometimes, Mom gets mad at him for that because she is clearly trying to get one more hour of sleep. Here are some pictures of our "crib(s)" (Get it? Ha ha):




At breakfast, we eat bananas. I think we have a three years' supply of bananas in our house at any given time. We are addicted to them. We eat other stuff, too, but there had better be BANANAS!



After breakfast, we like to tear up the house a little bit. That is pretty much our full-time job, so we take it seriously. Here are some pictures of us messing stuff up:




We also like to practice our walking. We're pretty much awesome at it now. Crawling is so 15 months.




When Mom gets us dressed, she makes us wear coordinating outfits. I guess this is payback for the grief we gave her in the womb. Our hair is getting long and Mom says we look "homeless," so she experiments with strange hairdos!




Now that it is getting warmer, we LOVE to go outside whenever we can. Sometimes, when we get tired of walking, we just cruise around the park in a pick-up truck.





On occasion, we have to attend really fancy events, like church on Easter Sunday, so we get all dressed up. But we HATE taking posed pictures with Mila and Ethan so we are kind of bratty about it. But just for the record, Mila and Ethan are NOT the best examples of kids excited to take pictures.





We love it when bedtime finally rolls around, because we get to brush our teeth. For whatever reason, we think brushing our teeth RULES! After we get our pjs on, we just sit back and chillax after our long day.





So, that's pretty much what our days are like. We know it must seem glamorous, but to us, it's pretty normal. We're just Lucy and Lane from the block, keepin' it real, in da house! Peace out...

Hoodwinked

My 5-year old is the con artist. I am the mark. I have fallen for a "long con" that is the oldest scam in the book.

I have been so proud of him for the past month. Each day, after Mila leaves for school, he disappears into his room. I hear the familiar clumping of toys being tossed into their appropriate bins and I smile to myself. After a while, he comes out and announces, "Mom, I cleaned my room!" and I go to inspect. Sure enough, it is always spic and span (what does that even mean?) He goes off to play and I pat myself on the back for being an awesome mom by making my son work. I have even bragged about him to my friends.

Today is Friday, which means that he is allowed to play XBox. Basically, he's waited all week long for this day. So the stakes are pretty high as far as the whole "cleaning the room" end of the deal goes. As I went in for my regular room inspection this morning, I noticed two things: 1)The toy bins, normally overflowing with Mystery Inc. characters and Storm Troopers, were only half-filled at best, and 2)At the foot of the bed, various arms and legs were poking out as well as some book pages.

I bent down to quickly snatch up the half-hidden objects and upon sweeping my hand under the bed, I was surprised at the amount of obstacles that stood in my way. I decided to take a quick peek under the dust ruffle. Well, much to my horror, what I saw was about six inches of space JAM-PACKED with toys, books and stuffed animals. There was not an inch to be spared! It looked like some crazy, freaky dump-site for plastic corpses. Also, he sleeps in a queen-sized bed. Yeah. So basically, he has been playing shove-o-rama for an ENTIRE month!

I have gotten out about half of the "buried treasure," but I am going to need a broomstick or something to retrieve the rest. He is so busted.

As for me, how could I have been so blind? I can't believe I fell for the whole "Mommy-I-love-you-so-much-I'll-do-manual-labor-for-you-every-morning!" act. Well, it's not going to be so easy in the future--now I'm jaded. That kid's not getting anything by me!

Now I just need to work on getting more details on Mila and her "boyfriend"...

A Bit 'o' Fun

Our show on Monday night was so much fun! Orlando was charming as ALWAYS and so much fun to hang out with. In the first half, we improvised a Shakespeare play, and it was one of our best ever! The costumes, sets, and background music were gorgeous, and everyone played their parts to a tee. I had a blast! For the second half, we transformed into Irish peasants for a musical. It had a few little quirks but was still enjoyable. And challenging! Did I mention I had to play two characters? Yep, a mother and daughter that looked exactly alike. (Thanks for that, Mac!) It was good times. And the audience was SO wonderful! Thanks to everyone who came!

P.S. Lisa's "bundle" in the first picture is none other than her real live beautiful baby Margaret. I begged her to do the show and, being the awesome woman that she is, she obliged! Thanks to Lisa's mom, who was on baby duty during the show!

Sticky rice, much?

Lucy

Lane

15 months

Darby O'Thrill and the Little People (does that sound like a band name?)

Don't you think it's kind of sad when a day comes along that is supposed to be a holiday, but it feels like every other day? St. Patrick's Day is kind of like that for me. I mean, I have to admit, I've never had an experience like this on that day. (In my opinion, that has to be the funniest St. Patrick's Day story EVER. And I will always remember it because it happened to my friend Patrick.) So I wear my green and try to feel festive, but let's be honest, if you're not into heavy drinking, there's not really much else to this day.

Until now.

The Thrillionaires have decided to take matters into their own hands and make THIS St. Patrick's Day one to remember. We're bringing in the ultra suave, super dapper Orlando Seale from across the pond to join us for a rip-stomping Shakespeare play and all-out Irish fun. The show will begin at 8 pm at the Covey Arts Center in Provo. This performance also marks our two year anniversary as a troupe! You do not want to miss it! Go to www.coveycenter.org or call 801-852-7007 to buy tickets. Leave me a comment if you want to be on a "coupon guest list" that gets you in for $3 off the $10 ticket price. See you there!

For those of you who think I'm the creative one in the family...

Please watch this little movie that my husband and his twin brothers made for their dad for Christmas one year. It is truly remarkable to me that it came from the blood, sweat, and tears of two future dentists and one future lawyer. Job well done, boys. I never knew you had it in you!

P.S. Much like Pixar, Ben has included a special, "tasty" surprise after the credits!

It's a trilogy!

This is the final Jessica Belmont video. It's longer than the others because it's not the final cut, but I didn't want to leave you hanging. It also stars my friend Brett, who could write a book called "It's All in the Delivery!" (And no, he's not a doctor or mailman.)

I also threw in another car dealership commercial, just for the heck of it. This one aired in Wyoming! Yee-haw!

Rocking my world since February 25, 2003

Allow me to preface this brag by saying that it is my brag, so I can say whatever I want. OK, now having said that, I'd like to go ahead and say that I just might have given birth to one of the cutest, most awesome boy babies on the planet. He was a week overdue and still the doctor wouldn't induce me. When a non-stress test revealed that he was overcooked, they checked me in to the hospital that afternoon. That night, there was a blizzard, so at 3:45 am, after my epiderral had worn off, my doctor was a no-show and Ben and the nurse got to deliver him. (The Dr. was a real jerk about it, too, when he finally did get there, by the way) But he was healthy and beautiful and that's all that mattered to me. My boy baby is five today. He loves Star Wars and his twin sisters and eating. Recently, he decided to take Remy's advice (of Ratatouille fame) and savor two flavors at a time. His favorite? Apples and cheese. Here are some pictures of him from last week as he takes in the magic of those two flavors:




He closed his eyes every time he chewed. I love him!

Here he is with his girls:


And here are some of my other favorite pics of him, just cause:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ETHAN! (Stop getting big, and don't get married...)

More fun with Jessica Belmont

If you have not yet seen the first Jessica Belmont video, then episode 2 might not make sense. I had a fun time making these. Besides, who doesn't feel like screaming in public places sometimes?


P.S. Does anyone else think I look really pink? Let's blame it on the fact that this is a rough cut. Joseph or Theron, if you're reading this, where's my DVD, buddies?

The Things I Do For My Friends...

A while back now, my adorable, talented, amazing friend Matt tagged me to write six little known facts about myself. At least I think that was the assignment. I had already done the "Seven strange things about me" one, so it has taken me a little while to think up more stuff.

1. I...love...ellipses... Maybe you've noticed... For me, they convey just the perfect amount of subtle wit or wry sarcasm. I'm not really an exclamation point girl--too in-your-face. Periods just don't give me enough feeling. I use dashes a lot too--they seem conversational. Oh, and parentheses. They are like funny asides, or secrets between you and me. (I feel like a nerd right now...)

2. I do not wear yellow. I think the picture below is the last time I wore it. Notice the age of my kids! I think it is a gorgeous color, just not so much on me.

3. I had the best job ever from the ages of 15 to 18. My friend Rebecca hooked me up big-time with a cush job recording songs for elementary school kids for Macmillan/Mcgraw Hill School Publishing. We would go to the recording studio for about four to six hours, mostly during the summer, and sing all of these different songs, taking long breaks in between and eating a lot. We recorded many of the songs in different languages--we would just have the words written phonetically. Sometimes, we would get called in to lay down a solo, which was cool because you got paid extra. For whatever reason, I sort of rocked at the Asian solos so that was all I ever ended up doing. Our producers wanted to tell their boss that I was some little Chinese girl named Hai Lee. I was cool with that. I still remember one entire Chinese song and I will sing it for you next time I see you, I promise. But I tell you what, after having a job like that, waiting tables is just not as glamorous as you might think.

4. I had a total of five Norwegian live-in nannies as a kid. Consequently, I can count to ten in Norwegian and probably know some swear words.

5. I ran track and field in high school for two years because it was the easiest sport to letter in. I ran the 100m high hurdles. No, I was not the star of the team, but yes, I got that letter. The next year, my school passed a policy that allowed you to letter in choir and theater. All of those shin splints for nothing!

6. I love hospitals. I went to visit my friend at the hospital last month and this feeling of peace and warmth washed over me as I walked through the doors. I just wanted to check myself in. Granted, I'd had a rough week, but everyone is so helpful and everything is so sterile. And I like hospital food. I hope heaven is kind of like a hospital for just a few days, maybe while you recover from your "journey" from the other side. All my loved ones can come visit and I can eat and rest and read magazines (although probably not Entertainment Weekly.)

OK, so I tag my mom and Mila and Aydan and I think everyone else has done this.

P.S. I did not purposefully delete my family links from the sidebar. Ben did. He was trying to upload a new template for me and he messed everything up, bless his heart. I haven't had the patience or the time to fix it. So don't be offended, family...

"Sexy? You're sexy. Shut up!"*

Even though you live at the Law School Library, I'll still let you be my Valentine, I guess...

*This quote is just one of the many reasons I love Ms. Tina Fey.

The Things You Do For Your Kids...

I am not a crafty person by nature. I am the type of person who walks into a craft store and starts feeling suffocated by the huge amounts of cute items that are supposed to go together in some awesome way, but I just don't know how! It baffles me. And so I leave the craftiness to my amazing sister-in-laws.

So how in the world did I get this daughter who LOVES to make crafts? She was giddy in the craft store on Saturday, poring over embellishments and exclaiming "Mom, these are soooo cute!!" She got excited over glue dots. I, on the other hand, was having a heart attack. "Please, Mila, hurry and pick out your stuff so we can go to Target!"

She wanted to make homemade Valentines, you see. She does every year, and last year I talked her out of it. "Oh come on, everyone wants candy. Let's just do bags with candy. Done and done." I know. Nice mom, to always encourage her creative endeavors. (Incidentally, my mom found a book I "published" in elementary school and the dedication read:"To my parents, who sometimes support me in my artistic endeavors." Not "always." See? I turned out OK.)

This year, I wasn't so lucky. I bit the bullet, made the trip to the store, spent the money, and then tried to avoid her yesterday, because every time I saw her, she batted her eyelashes and asked sweetly, "Is it time to start making my Valentines?" "Uh, no, I need a nap..." (which I did, to be fair--working in the Nursery could kill a person.)

But nap-time came and went and I found myself out of excuses. So we sat down at the table with all her loot spread out and went to town. We have only made eleven Valentines so far, but I have to admit, I am very proud of us. I am even going to post pictures of them with cheesy captions because this is such a momentous event. (Disclaimer: this is card-making 101 here--please do not suggest that I should give up my day job--I will know you are lying...)

This card-making business has not changed my mind about crafting. I am still just as perplexed as I was before. However, I feel satisfied that my daughter thinks that maybe her mom is cool and crafty, and that's enough for me.

Fancy scrapbooking paper: $.50

Cardboard sparkly hearts and stuff: $2.95

Cardstock cards: $6.95

Making homemade Valentines with your daughter: Priceless

A Humble Request

This goes out to those of you who love to say, "Your hands are full!" May I just suggest spicing it up a bit with a few alternatives? Maybe, when you're tempted to spit out your old standby, you should just bite your tongue and try one of these on for size:

"You are the luckiest woman in the world!"

"How did one person get so many blessings?"

"You are awesome!"

"You are Superwoman!"

"Can I have your autograph?"

That way, when this mom woke up to DiarrheaGate 2008 Part 2 this morning, she could have had all of those lovely thoughts buzzing through her head rather than, "Oh my gosh, my hands are really full, oh wow, they're full..."

Seriously. A little encouragement goes a LONG way...

A few more...

I got these pics off of my sister-in-laws' blogs because I didn't have any of these on my camera.

The whole family--I'm surprised we got this one!

Proud Grandparents--these were hilarious to watch!

Sisters-in-law--I have some of the best!