I've got to be honest with you. Sometimes I read the blogs of my family and friends and I have little anxiety attacks. I sit there and start to agonize about all of the million amazing things I am not doing that everyone else is. I storm away from my computer all grumpy and call my friend Rachel and tell her what a loser I am. Eventually, I take a lot of deep breaths and say to myself, "You have four children. You have twin 9 month olds. Relaaaaaaaaaax..." But it is amazing how difficult it is for me to do just that.
On my friend Lisa's blog, right under her title, it says, "lowering the bar, and being awesome." I love that phrase because it sums up so perfectly what my attitude
should be right now. So what if I moved in at the end of June and I am not all unpacked? Seriously, where's the fire? It's not like some neighborhood committee is going to come over and inspect my house to make sure that everything is in its place. My children are happy enough. My law school student doesn't seem to notice. So why beat myself up? Lowering the bar, people. That's what it's all about.
My sister-in-law Melanie is great at being awesome. She has four kids, two of which are 11 month old twin boys. I love her because she's not killing herself trying to make it
look easy. She's keeping it real and has an amazing sense of humor, to boot. (Sidenote: if you are planning on having twins, I would recommend stocking up on at least a year's supply of humor.)
When Mila was two, I belonged to a playgroup. I was always sort of put off by how "lovely" all of the conversations were. Now anyone who knows me knows that I am an eternal optimist and by no means a Debbie Downer, but I think it's silly to pretend like you are something that you are not. Every mom has bad days, every mom cries, every mom's child lies prostrate on the floors of grocery stores and screams. Can't we all just admit that and have a good laugh? That's what I always wanted to say to those girls.
I also think back on those days with only one child and marvel at how much time I had to get things done and wonder why in the world I ever felt overwhelmed. I believe the simple answer is that where there was no drama, perhaps I tended to create some, to keep myself entertained. I am, after all, from a family quite gifted in histrionics. These days, I don't have to create anything. I need only to sit back with my popcorn and oj and watch as the drama unfolds all on its own. The events of this past summer, leading up until the present, have been gripping enough to bring me to tears, make me laugh out loud, as well as stun me into silence.
Currently, I feel like we are the lab rats in someone's twisted scientific experiment: "Let's find out what would happen if we took six rats and put them in the same living quarters and then introduced the following variables: Subject E will have diarrhea for a week, Subject M will have diarrhea for three days, then develop pink eye, and Subjects L1 and L2 will be teething and never sleep for solid intervals. Subject B will have pink eye as well, but won't really hold much weight in the experiment as he will be going to law school for 15 hours a day. As for Subject H, she will be our control rat. Let's see how long it takes for her to go absolutely stark-raving mad!" Well, mad scientist, they haven't carted me off yet, so ha! Seriously though, can one household have so many afflictions at the same time? Isn't there a law against that? Is the Health Department going to intervene? Some day I will write a book and it will be called, "Are You Kidding Me?" because I have said that 300 times in the past month.
Well, I am feeling better now. It helps to put it out there, I have to admit. All sickness aside, I love the time I have with Mila and Ethan and as for my little girlies, I just want to squeeze every ounce of enjoyment out of their little baby cheeks that I can. So please excuse me over here while I'm changing diapers, making bottles, not cleaning my house every day, and not cooking every night. It's who I am right now, and I am learning to be cool with it. In other words, lowering the bar, and being awesome. (Thank you, Lisa, for allowing me to steal your words of inspiration!)
